You know... once your big ... you always see yourself as big. I hear that all the time and now I know exactly what it means. No matter what mirror I look in " THIS IS WHAT I SEE"!
DAMN I'M FINE!!!!
Just wanted to make myself laugh....heheehe
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I almost didn't make it...
I almost didn't make it the GYM tonight. Yep I thought of one excuse after another. But I MADE MYSELF GO! I knew if I didn't go tonight, I wouldn't go tomorrow or maybe this weekend. When I set out to lose weight, I told myself I would not sit back and let one day go by with out going to the gym every day. EVEN If it was to walk ONE MILE at a fast pace. That is what I did tonight. I didn't let myself down. I went and I walked 1 little tiny mile in 20 min. YEA FOR ME! Some how I still feel like a loser!
My friend in BAMA goes to the Gym and RUNS on the treat mill on a incline. She can go to a class and keep up for a hour. WHY can't I? UGHHHH It pisses me OFF!
I know she isn't nearly as BIG as I AM! She is less than 180! GOD wouldn't I love to see 180! She also has a great support group of new friends to push her and go with her. I go alone! EVERY TIME alone. I told her tonight... TO go and leave my family at home was a challenge harder than any exercise! I put them all before me and I feel selfish leaving them at HOME! But I have to do what I have to do..... RIGHT?
FOR ME!
My goal is to go 2.5 miles tomorrow. Even if I take a break between miles.
I will make it a point to start doing my tapes soon too....
Maybe I can save up enough to buy that HIP HOP ABS DVD I want so bad.
I need all the support I get ...even if its from a distance. I won't be alone in my journey.
THANK YOU!
My friend in BAMA goes to the Gym and RUNS on the treat mill on a incline. She can go to a class and keep up for a hour. WHY can't I? UGHHHH It pisses me OFF!
I know she isn't nearly as BIG as I AM! She is less than 180! GOD wouldn't I love to see 180! She also has a great support group of new friends to push her and go with her. I go alone! EVERY TIME alone. I told her tonight... TO go and leave my family at home was a challenge harder than any exercise! I put them all before me and I feel selfish leaving them at HOME! But I have to do what I have to do..... RIGHT?
FOR ME!
My goal is to go 2.5 miles tomorrow. Even if I take a break between miles.
I will make it a point to start doing my tapes soon too....
Maybe I can save up enough to buy that HIP HOP ABS DVD I want so bad.
I need all the support I get ...even if its from a distance. I won't be alone in my journey.
THANK YOU!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
KILL ME NOW! The death of a FAT GIRL in SC ~250
Okay the 5 lbs I was shocked over ... GONE! YEA ! SUPER YEA!
Back to 250! I can't wait to see 240....
I only walked 1.5 miles for 35 min tonight. My back has been killing me. I have something pinched. I need to get that OUT!
But hey after a long day I headed to the gym after 6:30pm! YEA!!!!!!!!!
Its just such a struggle! I watch everyone around me RUNNING for more than 45 min with out stopping. RUNNING FAST AND HARD and I envy them so much. I struggle to walk 2 miles ( okay tonight 1.5 miles) and its KILLING ME! I wish I could go back in time to the moment I let me emotions slip and take over the FAT ME.. the one that KEPT getting BIGGER AND BIGGER! That one moment in time when I stopped being me and started being a person that wasn't worth it anymore. Why could I not see that back then?
UGHHHHH I SO MAD... I can't run at the gym. I can barely do 30 min of walking fast. MAKES ME FEEL WORSE!
I didn't go to my inlaws for dinner tonight. NOPE, I can't be social and it involve FOOD!
So for dinner Im having some good ole Rain BRAN!
MY BODY HURTS SO BAD.... this is over some Lame walking. GEEEEEZZZ
Im proud of myself on a side note. I haven't stuck with going to the gym since I was in bama long ago. YEA! GO MARYANNE GO MARYANNE...
Back to 250! I can't wait to see 240....
I only walked 1.5 miles for 35 min tonight. My back has been killing me. I have something pinched. I need to get that OUT!
But hey after a long day I headed to the gym after 6:30pm! YEA!!!!!!!!!
Its just such a struggle! I watch everyone around me RUNNING for more than 45 min with out stopping. RUNNING FAST AND HARD and I envy them so much. I struggle to walk 2 miles ( okay tonight 1.5 miles) and its KILLING ME! I wish I could go back in time to the moment I let me emotions slip and take over the FAT ME.. the one that KEPT getting BIGGER AND BIGGER! That one moment in time when I stopped being me and started being a person that wasn't worth it anymore. Why could I not see that back then?
UGHHHHH I SO MAD... I can't run at the gym. I can barely do 30 min of walking fast. MAKES ME FEEL WORSE!
I didn't go to my inlaws for dinner tonight. NOPE, I can't be social and it involve FOOD!
So for dinner Im having some good ole Rain BRAN!
MY BODY HURTS SO BAD.... this is over some Lame walking. GEEEEEZZZ
Im proud of myself on a side note. I haven't stuck with going to the gym since I was in bama long ago. YEA! GO MARYANNE GO MARYANNE...
Monday, March 12, 2007
HOw to gain 5 lbs in ONE DAY! ~255
Okay, what the HELL? I Get on the scales at the gym and I am 5 lbs more than I was this weekend. THATS CRAZY! The tread mill was kicking my ass too. I wanted to get off SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD! I was hurting! It was BAD! I went 2 miles in 45 min. and it was a ruff 2 miles. I more felt dragged 2 miles down a dirt road by a old pick up truck filled with old ladies.
Im not giving up!
I ate oatmeal for breakfast. Chicken and broccoli for lunch! I really need to give up sweet tea. ughhh WHat I am I saying... its the drink of the south. CRAZY!
I have to take Tristan to party tomorrow. ughhhhh I still need to make it to the gym.
Someone shoot me now. I should have never gotten this BIG!
Im not giving up!
I ate oatmeal for breakfast. Chicken and broccoli for lunch! I really need to give up sweet tea. ughhh WHat I am I saying... its the drink of the south. CRAZY!
I have to take Tristan to party tomorrow. ughhhhh I still need to make it to the gym.
Someone shoot me now. I should have never gotten this BIG!
What kind of Friend are you?
Okay posted to the right are pictures of me... Last year in MAY at my son's birthday. OMG !!! I look PREGNANT! Im HUGE!
My stomach sticks out further than my BOOBS and MY boobs are HUGE! Im so ashamed of these pictures. More ashamed that Im bigger NOW...that NO FRIEND once said... GIRL... YOUR GETTING HUGE! NOPE Not one Friend! GEEEEEEEEEEEE THANKS!In the future... let a girl know...I WAS and AM way too big! YUCK! Where does the front begin and the back end? ROUND!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
ARE YOU STILL IN THERE? ~250
This is a blog I wanted to start to remind me of the journey I am about to take. How ever long and hard it might be. I know it will be worth it. See I moved here to Fort Mill, SC 9 years ago. I met the love of my life and it changed my whole world. Unfortunately it changed my looks and the way I felt to. I gained 100lbs over a year with easy. I noticed my size 12 pants got tight! So I bought 14's. 14's got tight so I bought 16's...and the process grew until I am NOW 250lbs. I took on more stress, more obligations and another child and a husband I adore. THE PROBLEM???? I put myself LAST! DEAD LAST!!!! My doctor is always telling me... YOU NEVER GOING TO LIVE TO SEE 40! You will DIE! I remember Shelby telling me when she was around 7, " mom can you not walk me to my bus stop, I don't want the kids picking on me because your FAT". I knew I was gaining weight and I needed to take control then. NOW she is 15 and has a weight problem of her own. How can I set a example for her? I haven't in the past, but all that has changed. My son Tristan is about to turn 7 in May. He points out all the exercise INFO COMMERCIALS and says.. " MOMMY you should get that....so your not fat anymore". Yesterday he said" Mommy you can't skate board, YOU WILL BREAK IT" and patted me on my belly. He said I was too fat to ride his skate board. He felt bad and walked off. I felt bad he was so hurt by the fat that I his mother was FAT!
Im gross! I gained weight all over. Especially my belly and BUTT! Hell My boobs are a size 48 DDD. YEP! NO LIE! When I moved here I was a 36C!
I never look at people anymore. I am always looking down. I hope no one looks at me! I hope no one notices me. But the fat is ... HOW CAN YOU MISS ME! IM HUGE!
I went out a few weekends ago... I NEVER DO THAT! Just down at Chili's with Holly and Ivey having some nice Sweet tea! A guy at the bar wants to buy me a drink. No thanks I said... Sporting my nice fat wedding ring and The ring of fat around my middle. Then he tells his buddies why you take the BIG GIRL HOME! So she can make you breakfast in the morning, but you better hurry or she will eat it all before you get up. HAHAHAA LOVE BEING the JOKE of the BAR! HE was a BIG fat ass himself. But it gave him the right to joke on me right?
IT hurt! That hurt really bad. But what inspired me most of all was my SON! I don't want him to hurt by me being a lard ass. I don't want him to feel bad... by telling me the truth! I know he loves me and I want him to be proud. Forget that I want to be around for him in the years to come. ONLY I can change the way I LOOK! ONLY I can set a good weight example for Shelby.
I went to the YMCA today. I pushed myself LIKE Never before. I went a avg speed of 3.3 and walked 2.5 miles in 45 min. IT WAS KILLING ME! I wanted to get off several times. But I just thought of Tristan and how I wanted to show him I could once and for all get this OFF OF ME! Im sick of being FAT, out of shape and unhealthy. I need to move and keep moving. I thought after I got off the tread mill. That was nothing. I could do that twice a day. I could push myself more and more! And that... MY DEAR is just what I will do!
My mother use to put me down as child and say... WHEN you get older your going to be as BIG as me. She couldn't stand being FAT ( a size 18). Kids would treat her mean and people would look at her and make comments. So by saying that...she was hurting me. I thought in my early 20's .. YEA MOM! Im not as BIG AS YOU! Then look at me now... IM BIGGER THAN HER! She is less than 200lbs. People keep telling me how she is losing weight. IM 250! I guess her curse worked. But I won't let it keep me down. I will change my looks and my life. Im changing it FOR ME! Im doing this FOR ME! IM WORTH IT! I CAN DO THIS! I usually hide from pictures. But my time for hiding is over. I have include a picture of me... In hopes of reminding myself... HEY I MAY BE FAT.. BUT I am SURE enough not ugly... hahahah YEA RIGHT! lol
I'M STILL HERE! I AM STILL a great person inside! The pain of my past will not control my future!
Im gross! I gained weight all over. Especially my belly and BUTT! Hell My boobs are a size 48 DDD. YEP! NO LIE! When I moved here I was a 36C!
I never look at people anymore. I am always looking down. I hope no one looks at me! I hope no one notices me. But the fat is ... HOW CAN YOU MISS ME! IM HUGE!
I went out a few weekends ago... I NEVER DO THAT! Just down at Chili's with Holly and Ivey having some nice Sweet tea! A guy at the bar wants to buy me a drink. No thanks I said... Sporting my nice fat wedding ring and The ring of fat around my middle. Then he tells his buddies why you take the BIG GIRL HOME! So she can make you breakfast in the morning, but you better hurry or she will eat it all before you get up. HAHAHAA LOVE BEING the JOKE of the BAR! HE was a BIG fat ass himself. But it gave him the right to joke on me right?
IT hurt! That hurt really bad. But what inspired me most of all was my SON! I don't want him to hurt by me being a lard ass. I don't want him to feel bad... by telling me the truth! I know he loves me and I want him to be proud. Forget that I want to be around for him in the years to come. ONLY I can change the way I LOOK! ONLY I can set a good weight example for Shelby.
I went to the YMCA today. I pushed myself LIKE Never before. I went a avg speed of 3.3 and walked 2.5 miles in 45 min. IT WAS KILLING ME! I wanted to get off several times. But I just thought of Tristan and how I wanted to show him I could once and for all get this OFF OF ME! Im sick of being FAT, out of shape and unhealthy. I need to move and keep moving. I thought after I got off the tread mill. That was nothing. I could do that twice a day. I could push myself more and more! And that... MY DEAR is just what I will do!
My mother use to put me down as child and say... WHEN you get older your going to be as BIG as me. She couldn't stand being FAT ( a size 18). Kids would treat her mean and people would look at her and make comments. So by saying that...she was hurting me. I thought in my early 20's .. YEA MOM! Im not as BIG AS YOU! Then look at me now... IM BIGGER THAN HER! She is less than 200lbs. People keep telling me how she is losing weight. IM 250! I guess her curse worked. But I won't let it keep me down. I will change my looks and my life. Im changing it FOR ME! Im doing this FOR ME! IM WORTH IT! I CAN DO THIS! I usually hide from pictures. But my time for hiding is over. I have include a picture of me... In hopes of reminding myself... HEY I MAY BE FAT.. BUT I am SURE enough not ugly... hahahah YEA RIGHT! lol
I'M STILL HERE! I AM STILL a great person inside! The pain of my past will not control my future!
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