Holy Cow, it was a bad week. Yes, I stress ate...Yes I felt like giving up at times. Shelby being home might have been my trigger point. While I missed her so much, 24 hours after her arrival I was ready for her to go back to school. It was having 5 kids all at once..needing and wanting your ever attention. For each thing I learned about her ever changing life...I felt more and more like a failure. Can't help it, if she doesn't study and makes bad grades...I FAIL. If she smokes when I preached to her the harmful effects and nasty habit it forms... I FAIL. When she does not properly take care of herself.. I FAIL. Each day brought more and more failure as a parent.
To top my stress off, each of my own kids and kids I keep were VERY LOUD, Very Destructive and all around tearing my nerves and the house apart. I kept it together and just wilted away inside. I tried to hold it all back. In the end Shelby lost $100 check my grandma sent her and she some how just counts that towards money she owes me for insurance. Great...see the ripple effect.
I go to train today. Not as positive as before...but not giving up. Just need to get off this train and catch another one going the right direction. I am happy Shelby is back at school. I really wish she would spend the summer with my parents or her father. I don't think I can keep up with her negative touch for a entire summer. I am a people pleaser and according to her its just never good when it comes to making things right with her. Its the little part that sends my life spiraling out of control. Back on track I go...
Let hope AL doesn't chew me out too bad. I think I gained instead of lost the weight of 3 pounds he requested. I haven't finished my book and I have not went to the gym everyday.
Funny story about the gym last week. I went and jumped on the treadmill. Okay I said to myself... this will be easy. Lets do 1hr and not just 30 min. HOLY CRAP I looked down when I was about to drop and it only was almost 4 min into the 30 min I was required. I guess the news was on and my focus was off. I pushed threw it and then stayed and watched the zumba class. I would love to do that class. I am so out of shape.
I should have posted sooner. But I have not had time on my side or a clear thought.
FAILURE.... its in your face and the worst to stare at...
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